Connections Breathe Life or Death into Students
When interviewing future teachers I always talk about how important it is to develop a connection with students. I share my perspective, stating:
“I have taught for 8 years, spending 5 of those years in a high needs school. I learned so much about how to be an effective teacher, but more importantly I learned how to connect with kids. My 4th grade teacher, Ms. Lofy, taught me that learning can be fun when it applies to your daily life, so it was important to me that I had a personal connection with each student- you know, finding out what mattered and was of interest to them. Then I could focus on how to make the content engaging and be of value in their current circumstances. I look back at those years as the moments where I really made my impact as an educator. They needed a consistent and caring role model in their lives.
I love working for TNTP now to help find teachers who want to make that same sort of impact. Our nation’s kids deserve the best and finding a quality candidate to put in every classroom is my way to continue to give back to the community.”
My company’s recent blog post entitled “The Bus to Rikers Island” by Dan Weisberg hit home when I read about his perspective on building connections with students:
“Part of my job was to interview clients to develop a personal profile that could be useful in arguing for a lesser sentence in a plea bargain. School often came up in these conversations. Not surprisingly, very few of our clients had strong academic records, but I was particularly struck by how few had any real connection to school at all. Some were fiercely intelligent: One came to the interview room with a dog-eared copy of Camus’s The Stranger, and I stumbled to answer his questions about the book, not wanting to admit that I hadn’t read it. But many of them hadn’t been to school in a long time. Very few could name a teacher or administrator with whom they had a connection, who might be able to vouch for them.”
Kids are in jail and that could have been avoided if one teacher had connected on a personal level with them… one teacher is all it takes to inspire and motivate a lost or broken child.
We have such an important job- educating the future. We cannot lose them to violence and other avenues where they feel valued or part of something. Those other avenues lure these lost children into a belief that they will be accepted, when in actuality its superficial belonging with high stake circumstances. For example, gangs manipulate others into thinking they can provide this sense of belonging only to truly provide a dangerous life of threats and fear. The same goes for unhealthy relationships – manipulation into a sense of belonging only to be crushed by violence or emotional damage.
We cannot wait until its too late to intervene. Every child is lovable and capable of achieving greatness. Look beyond their current behavior or attitude. That is most likely a cry for help. Don’t take it personally; take it as an invitation to draw closer. Learn their name, favorite food, or biggest hope in life. Adjust your lessons to engage this student’s learning style and include their interests into the classroom as much as possible.
As I mentioned in my testimony above, children just want a consistent and caring role model in their life. When you invest in them as a person and not just a student, that is exactly what you are providing for them. That’s the turning point. That’s where you change the trajectory of their path. They feel important and valued. They feel empowered to have a dream and then go achieve it. You are their life coach and confidant. Teach them their value.
Dan mentions in his post that “the school-to-prison pipeline is the root of the problem, and ending it is an urgent priority. “ He’s absolutely right. As a third grade teacher, I remember hearing how the state looked at our test scores to determine how many prisons they needed to build by the time this group of students hit the legal age of 18. As much as that notion nauseated me, it is a reality. I cannot shudder at the thought and do nothing about it. Research shows that low test scores are related to students who are disinterested in school and find other things to do to occupy their time. This usually results in criminal activity. Thus, the existence of the school to prison pipeline.
Let’s rewind. Why are the scores low? Are the students low performing because they aren’t able to learn? NO! Are the students unable to grow to achieve a level of mastery? NO! Are these scores defining their worth as a human? NO! So if we know these truths, how is the pipeline a reality? If students are able, can grow to a level of mastery, and have worth as a human, then we as teachers must be sure to make that clear. If the student believes any one of those statements, the system wins…we have lost them. Then, their wayward journey to prison begins. Yes, we can implement additional teaching opportunities for the student to grasp the content, but that does not fix the problem at its deepest level.
When I taught 5th grade, I looked into the eyes of one of my pregnant students and saw a young child. She carried a Spongebob backpack and wore ribbons in her hair, yet she was physically advanced in her development as a woman and as a result had acted inappropriately with a neighbor of legal age. Another lost, broken child. I knew her when I taught 3rd grade. Even then she was broken, but not as far along down her unhealthy path. The signs had shown that she placed more emphasis on socializing and doodling than asking a question to aid in her understanding. Her 3rd grade teacher had 20 other students with more apparent learning and behavior difficulties so this child got lost in the shuffle. She was compliant, quiet, and did not display a need for immediate intervention. By the time she had reached 5th grade, so much damage had been done. This child was seeking approval from a man that had convinced her that he loved her. Back to the sense of belonging. So many children do not know their value as a person because no one has told them. Had her teacher sat with her one-on-one and provided instructional support, she would have done better in school. However, the scars of a lost child were deep and already taking over. She needed more than academic attention.
Dan agrees, stating “research shows that strong school attachments reduce the risk of delinquency. Provide these young people with schools that help them excel academically and afford them opportunities to develop strong relationships with adults and they’ll be far less likely to end up at Rikers or incarcerated anywhere else.” He adds “we must also redouble our commitment to ensuring that all young people experience strong attachments in school—and fair school discipline policies—so we can reduce the risk that they’ll ever have to take that terrifying (and life-altering) bus ride. ”
To all of my students, I still remember you, each and every one of you. Each of you has specialized talents inside of you that are different than anyone around you. Tap into that talent and deep desire. Apply yourself. Ask questions and reach out. You are more capable than you know. Take action! I’m here cheering you on each step of the way. And most of all, know that you are loved.
What are some ways to build connections with your students?
About the author, Gretchen
I am a teacher trainer and coach. Working elbow to elbow with teachers and teacher leaders to ensure instructional proficiency and student achievement soar lights me up. We have a real need in our nation for strong educators to remain in the field. My blog, book, podcast, courses and instructional materials are geared towards empowering teachers (and those that lead them) to receive the support needed to grow and thrive today, tomorrow and always.
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