Relationships Come First
Education is all about communication and relationships. If you can’t relate to people and communicate in a way that is productive, positive and professional then this is vocation is not for you.
Since the start of my career in the fall of 2006, I realized that I could reach kids faster if I started connecting with my students as people. They worked harder, opened up about insecurities and trusted my intentions when I changed my approach to instruction. Instead of putting on an entertaining dog and pony show daily, I started integrating student interests into classroom activities and personalizing the learning experience with student names and personal goals. It moved from all about “me” to all about “we.”
I couldn’t have made these changes if I didn’t know my kids. They gave me everything they had inside themselves to achieve their potential because I made them feel important and part of the classroom community. Similar to dedicating the first chunk of the year to rolling out procedures and repeatedly practicing, we as educators need to make building relationships the #1 goal in our daily work with kids no matter the pressure we face with standards, pacing, budgets, etc.
A colleague of mine once said, “Maslow comes before Bloom,” meaning our innate needs that Maslow outlined must be met first in order to begin the learning process through Bloom’s taxonomy. Learning becomes a low priority over survival. Ensuring kids come to school with food in their stomachs, appropriate clothes to wear, and are hydrated sufficiently is step one. Only then can we begin our work in our learner’s hearts.
It’s important that we then set up a classroom that is warm and inviting from the décor we choose to even our own attitude. Routines and procedures produce consistency that students thrive on. Once our environment is created, our relationship begins to develop and instruction soon follows.
Content is important, but its not the most important. All kids need a caring adult in their life, regardless if they seek you out themselves or are shy, withdrawn, or oppositional. You can create a structured classroom and apply consequences in a respectful way that in turn allows students to grow closer to you because you took time to get to the root of the problem, hear them out and allow them to be part of the solution. Empowering students through voice and respect is essential for students’ personal and academic growth. Trust grows in fertile soil so start tilling the land!
How? See my suggested strategies below:
Top 10 Strategies to Build Relationships that Count with your Students
10.Greet students at the door– Start a student’s day off with a warm, positive interaction so that they are more excited and motivated to learn. Acknowledging their attendance is the ultimate sign of respect.
9. Maintain eye contact and presence when conversing with students– A child feels the most important when they have your undivided attention. That means when they talk to you, no matter how miniscule or unrelated their thought may be, stop what you are doing and give your full attention- with your eyes and mind.
8. Ask questions– Being curious about someone else draws them in to know more about you and build a connection. Don’t forget to find out about who your students are as people before who they are as scholars.
7. Celebrate student culture– A student’s background makes up a large part of who they are and if a teacher can tap into that background and bring it into the classroom in a natural, authentic way then the student feels valued and part of the classroom community.
6. Meet students’ families– Learning about the family structure can help answer any questions you might have about students as their instructional leader, but also students’ families are valuable team members when brainstorming solutions to academic or behavioral obstacles that crop up throughout the year.
5. Incorporate student interests into the curriculum– Building in student interests into content delivery and activity exploration increases motivation and helps a student feel successful due to their connection to the topic at hand.
4. Involve students in decision-making– When a student feels a part of something greater than themselves, they see value in it and feel supported in it. When rules, norms, and expectations are created together with students, they are more invested and willing to not only follow protocol but be part of the positive change in the classroom.
3. Support the whole child– Although students are in the classroom primarily for academic reasons, a child is also developing as a person at the same time. It’s important to be sensitive to their social emotional well being as it can hinder or help their academic development. Reach out to your school counselor if needed.
2. Empower students with responsibility and accountability-Start passing the ownership onto students by creating opportunities that increase in responsibility, thus increasing their own accountability. Be careful not to give too much too early and always provide the necessary support so students can be successful. The more leadership they take on in their journey as a learner, the better off they will be in the long run.
If you are short on time or overwhelmed by this list of suggestions and can only manage to do one thing, then this strategy is the most important:
1. Take your teacher hat off– You are a person teaching little people first and foremost. They will not listen or work hard for someone they do not respect, feel connected to or loved by. Don’t be afraid to show your human side. Students might just teach you a thing or two if you let them.
How do you build relationships with your students?
About the author, Gretchen
I am a teacher trainer and coach. Working elbow to elbow with teachers and teacher leaders to ensure instructional proficiency and student achievement soar lights me up. We have a real need in our nation for strong educators to remain in the field. My blog, book, podcast, courses and instructional materials are geared towards empowering teachers (and those that lead them) to receive the support needed to grow and thrive today, tomorrow and always.
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