Teacher of the Month
Wednesday, January 9th was one of those days where it was the best and the worst day rolled into one. I went from the lowest low to the highest high. Let me start at the beginning…
I left teaching in a Title-One school after 5 years because I was ready for a change. I was emotionally exhausted from not only being a teacher but a mother to 20+ students each day. I got caught up in their personal lives and tried to guide them in every way I could. It was taxing on my overall well-being. I felt like I was leaving behind students who really needed me, like I was giving up. But, after much thought I realized when you are running on “empty” you are of no help to anyone, not even yourself.
I began teaching in a suburban school in the same district. I had the class of a lifetime with parents who trusted and supported me each day. I was honored to be appreciated! It was a great change. Students did not need me as much because their lives were full of balance and love. But, because of these students I was re-inspired to become a better teacher. I instantly remembered why at the age of 9 I knew my life’s goal and dream. That year allowed me to rejuvenate and rekindle my broken spirit.
I would not give up either of these two experiences mentioned above. Without A there would not have been a B. And without a B, there would be no C. This year is what I will be referring to as “C.”
I knew at the beginning of the year when I was handed my roster that I had a great class, but that one particular student would be difficult to teach. I was told that I was blessed with 19 angels so that #20 could have all of me. They. Were. Right.
Experience A exhausted me. But experience C has me exhausted in a whole new way. This child is learning and emotionally disabled. Not only do I battle getting across my content in a way it can be spat back out, but I am walking on egg shells just so that the volcano does not erupt. It is tedious and …okay, exhausting. (Are you sensing a theme here?) Each day I reflect on what I can do better, how I can reach her, and how I can help her peers navigate this explosive environment. I feel my attention is on 1 instead of 20 and it isn’t fair. I have been called every combination of cuss words one individual could muster (its impressive to say the least) as well as being spat on, swung at, and threatened. Believe it or not Experience A helped me understand her living situation and family background. I realized I am equipped to deal with this child. I know the angle. I got that. But, the emotional trauma this child has been put through and in essence what she is giving back to the world is out of my realm of experience. With “No Child Left Behind” this child is given the least-restrictive environment to learn which is in a mainstream class with students. She does get pulled for EC services, but our counselors do not have the support they need to readily treat and rehabilitate this child. Thus, this child goes in a cycle of suspensions and detentions without any improvement being made. It is frustrating for all who are involved. [She is currently getting evaluated for a hospitalized program that includes counseling, medication, and education. Government funding is the hold up- surprised?]
Getting back to my story… Wednesday, January 9th was “the day.” The day I had seen and endured the worst. I held it together, but I crashed emotionally at home. I interceded an event that allowed me to receive the brunt of the blow verbally. She was taken out of the classroom and brought to the office by our Assistant Principal. Wednesday is our staff meeting day, so I was already running late as I was rushing to fill out the behavior referral for the incident. As I walked into the meeting, my Principal and Assistant Principal mentioned that they are giving out the “Teacher of the Month” crystal apple that day. Last month it was given to our EC lead teacher who recently retired. This teacher and I had worked so closely this year due to this student. Although she was retired and not at the school to pass off the award, she did enclose a beautiful note. She mentioned how a teacher might not think that they are making a difference, but the growth she has seen in a one of the hardest cases of EC students in her 20+ years teaching made her nominate one teacher….
ME!!!
I couldn’t believe it. The girl that just verbally crushed me is now the reason I am worthy of this award. Talk about a slap in the face and a high five! I almost cried because I was emotionally confused. I was appreciative of this veteran teacher thinking of me as worthy and even more appreciative of this student who provided me this experience.
It’s a great reminder to have perspective. When you’re in the thick of it, it is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. We may be taking baby steps but hey, we’re walking! This student has grown. I see it each day. But, that doesn’t take away the pain she is dealing with. I hope the best for her. I will never forget her; not because of her behavior, but for how she strengthened me as a teacher. I am forever grateful.
Has there ever been a student that challenged you? How so?
About the author, Gretchen
I am a teacher trainer and coach. Working elbow to elbow with teachers and teacher leaders to ensure instructional proficiency and student achievement soar lights me up. We have a real need in our nation for strong educators to remain in the field. My blog, book, podcast, courses and instructional materials are geared towards empowering teachers (and those that lead them) to receive the support needed to grow and thrive today, tomorrow and always.