Entitled Children: Changing a Disposition

I came across a post called “5 signs kids are struggling with entitlement” and my ears perked up (well, considering I read it maybe I should say that my eyes widened). I have been struggling with this exact notion for quite some time now. Generations of students have an attitude that is completely unfamiliar to me. When I grew up, I listened to my elders and never spoke back to an adult. When I look at the behaviors of my students, I struggle to understand where they are coming from. I never purposely did something to hurt a fellow student. I did not yell, scream, or kick in my classroom. I certainly did not argue with my teacher. And I can 100% say that my parents never took my siblings’ side when the school phoned home. These days the parents assume the school did something to set the child off and the repercussions are the result of the child being provoked. How is this socially acceptable? How has this attitude and perspective cultivated? Entitlement. 

I do my best to ensure my students are respectful of others. Many times throughout the day, I have to remind my students that other people live in this world and we must work together to attain goals. It is not a one-man show. It is not a world with one person at its center. That blows their mind. Why hold open a door for the person behind you? Why not take the item that’s on the floor- finders keepers right? Why not hit back when you are mad? Why not stand up for yourself, even if it means yelling at an authority figure? Why not “forget” about homework and shrug it off once at school? Why not lie to get out of trouble? WHY NOT? Entitlement. 

Why? Students listen closely:

Because you are one person and your actions affect others. You are a child that shows respect to adults and acts properly because following a code of conduct is an honor and a privilege, not a choice. You are better than the behaviors you exhibit. Stop trying to impress others by gaining attention or items. Focus on becoming your best self. Listen and learn, rather than act. You have your life ahead of you and each choice is another stepping stone on that path. Do not create a rough terrain for yourself because you let pressures and influences take hold of your decision making. Look to your parents for support and guidance- and if that is not available, you have a teacher that loves you and will be an aide in your growth as a student and person. STOP THIS NONSENSE, get yourself together, and be a humble, hard-working individual that is admired for their talents and character rather than their social status and immature behavior.  YOU CAN BE BETTER. 

Here is the link to the article I am referencing. The statement that stands out the most to me is how children expect society to fix all of their problems. This entitlement is what enrages me the most.

You made a choice. You acted on that choice. You got yourself into a mess. You fix it. End of story. I did not influence your choice, I did not whisper in your ear how to act, I did not create the mess for you, so I will not be fixing it. Stop and think about how the predicament unfolded and begin working backwards to fix it. You want everything to be yours anyways right? But, now when life isn’t going so well it suddenly it doesn’t belong to you? You cannot choose wealth, but deny your actions in achieving it. You cannot choose popularity, but deny your actions in achieving it. You earned it, you have to live with it. If you want positive things to happen in your life, then act in a way that allows that outcome to prosper. You cannot step on people and think it doesn’t come back to haunt you. You cannot take what is not rightfully yours and expect it to remain for eternity. I will stand next to you as you fight this battle to put yourself back on the right track, but I will not do it for you.. I cannot rescue you, nor do I want to. You need to know that you can rely on yourself and have the capability to solve life’s problems that come your way.

Glenn Beck says it wonderfully, here in “Fighting Against The Growing Entitlement Society.” In fact, his 4 concepts got me thinking:

a. Self Esteem- I think it is great that we encourage children. However, I will not lie to make a child smile. There is always something a child is great at that I can compliment. There is always something unique about a child. I give an honest compliment because there are factors that separate us as people, and that is okay. Sometimes you are smart, athletic, helpful, artistic, etc. Telling a child they are great at something that they are not to make them feel better sets them up for failure. I love you enough to accept your talents and your struggles. If you want to try something for the first time, I support you. If you want to practice something you are not great at, I support you. But, I will not flood your head with lies about being good at something in which you are not. If I did not realize my own talents, I might not be a teacher. It’s important that we acknowledge our gifts and use them to bless society. Otherwise, we drown in a promise that should never have been made. If my parents told me I was great at softball, I might be the most depressed athlete trying day in and out to be a world-renowned softball player. That is not my destiny. That is not my gift. I am not saying tell a child they are horrible at a specific interest. However, find out what they are good at and praise them for it. Fill their confidence bucket in an area that is specialized for them. That way they become what they were destined to become and all because someone believed in them rather than giving them a false promise.

b. Celebrity Culture- I am over the bling, twerk, and wild ways of celebrity life that fills my students’ heads daily. This is not reality. It’s not a healthy lifestyle. And it certainly is not going to make my kiddos achieve their goals and dreams by living a similar life. There is an emptiness and loneliness in this lifestyle that is covered up by the wild behavior and choices that many celebrities make. I wish for my students to not look to them for leadership or direction. Sure, enjoy the music and clothing, but leave it at that. It is not for young children to emulate, unless of course they are choosing emptiness and loneliness as their future. There are many heroes in our culture, and a celebrity is rarely one.

c. Media- Ugh. Facebook. Twitter. Instagram. Whatever the latest social media outlet is makes me skin crawl at all the young men and woman portraying themselves in a  dishonest manner. I wince when I see them trying to be a day older than they really are, especially with gobs of makeup. It is to enhance features not draw attention to particular areas. Clothing is to cover the body not to flaunt it. I tell my students, “If you spend all of your time attracting attention with your physical appearance you will in deed have attention, but it won’t be the kind you yearn for. Respect yourself enough to portray your true self, not hide behind a persona.” I’m hoping one day they listen to me before its too late.

d. Credit- The phrase that comes to mind is “keeping up with the Jones’.” What someone has may look great on the outside, but you have no idea the problems they are dealing with on the inside. Students do not need the latest gadget to be cool. They don’t need to be the wealthiest person on the block who flaunts their belongings. They should be remembered and respected for how they treat others, not by the stuff  they own. (By the way, I have to warn them about credit cards and online shopping that’s linked to their parent’s account. A plastic card does not symbolize the money you have, so don’t use it as such- no matter how BAD you want it.)

I get so aggravated when children do not take responsibility for their actions. The phrase I hear the most in my classroom is, “you never gave it to me.” Do you really think I gave the materials to 21 out of 22 students and purposely left you out? NO. You received the materials, made a choice, acted on the choice, and now are here without materials. Let’s walk back through your decisions and figure out what went wrong. 10 times out of 10, a student has misplaced the material and chooses the easy road to blame me for not giving it to them. Worse yet, once they find it in their disorganized desk they shout “here it is!” and beam with pride. Not once do they say, “Ms. Schultek, I am sorry I accused you. I misplaced my assignment, and when I went looking for it, I found it.” Nope. They are too proud to apologize and too wrapped up in their “finding” abilities as if they just scored the winning run in the World Series. Entitled.

I am not referencing one child here. I am referencing my students as a whole. These behaviors are exhibited by numerous children on numerous occasions. Its not a fad, its a generation. I do not see it getting any better if we continue to allow it. So stand with me and guide the misguided in honesty, integrity, perseverance, and respect. We have a lot of character building to do- one child at a time. Who’s in???

What seems to be your biggest annoyance with the current generation you teach? 

About the author, Gretchen

I am a teacher trainer and coach. Working elbow to elbow with teachers and teacher leaders to ensure instructional proficiency and student achievement soar lights me up. We have a real need in our nation for strong educators to remain in the field. My blog, book, podcast, courses and instructional materials are geared towards empowering teachers (and those that lead them) to receive the support needed to grow and thrive today, tomorrow and always.

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